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		Growing As A Parent Part Two Reprinted from August 2006 Issue -by PAUL CASEY Discussed here last month was the concept of deciding whether you will be a parent who is stagnant and without purpose, or one who is learning and growing toward the destination of guiding your kids to a successful future. We talked about first making goals in your personal health/wellness so that you can be fully present and sharp in leading your children. If you want to continue this journey, make some SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, repeatable, and time-conscious) and prioritize the area of Family Wellness: • Identify each family member’s “love language” and speak it. Gary Chapman came up with this concept of filling each other’s love tanks with the method that that person best receives love. There are 5 possibilities (most people have a primary and secondary): physical touch, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service. Usually what lights that person up, or what they complain about most when they’re not getting it, is what they need the most emotionally. • Have family nights and also spend quality time with each member of the family. Calendar undivided-attention times—like dates. Ask each family member: “What would you like to do more of together?” With your kids, play on their level; have bedtime rituals that bring you closer together; take walks. James Dobson says, “Crowded lives produce fatigue, which produces irritability which produces indifference, which can be interpreted by the child as a lack of genuine affection and personal esteem.” • Realize the loving/healing power of touch. Freely give lots of hugs, backrubs, hand-holding, cuddling, etc. • Do acts of service. Help each other with his/her jobs around the house. Increase your “thoughtfulness quotient” and be quick to be aware of and meet their needs. • Give gifts. These gifts don’t have to break the bank, but can be inexpensive tokens of love—even having your radar up and replenishing something they need. This proves you are thinking of them by studying them for what they cherish. • Speak words of affirmation. Specifically praise them for who they are and what they have done. Be a dream-builder for them. • Be open/honest, and resolve conflict as quickly as possible. The greatest indicator of whether a marriage will be successful is how the couple handles conflict. You can only sweep garbage under the rug so long before it begins to stink. With these action items high on your priority list, like a good circulatory system, health and life will flow through your family, strengthening it from the inside-out.