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		Growing As A Parent Part One Reprinted from July 2006 Issue -by PAUL CASEY I heard it once said that as a person, to use a landform analogy, you can be either more like the Jordan River or the Dead Sea. A Jordan-like parent would be one who keeps growing as she flows toward her destination of being the parent her child needs her to be (teeming with life!). On the other hand, a Dead Sea parent is like her namesake: pooling up, not going anywhere/without purpose, stagnant in helping her children be successful. How does one find one’s self in this lifeless state? A great deal of a lack of desire to learn and grow finds its root in pride (“I’m doing just fine, thank you!”). Phil Pringle says it this way: “The proud heart can’t learn. The humble listen and grow. The successful person remains a learner all her days.” I’m finding fewer and fewer parents who have that insatiable desire to push themselves toward excellence in leading their children. My pastor pulled out a very interesting visual about a decade ago when he was speaking to a large group of small group leaders. It was entitled “The Life/Death Cycle,” which caught my interest right away. To sum up, the bell-like curve shows an effort, a career, birthing a child, getting married, any undertaking at its infancy, shooting straight up with all the signs of health and growth. Natural stages take place, and a plateau is dangerously approached. At this point in any pursuit, like parenting, each person has the decision of whether to stay in his comfort zone, which leads to a leveling off of growth and a beginning of the “death curve” downward—or, to make a new “life curve” (which looks like an “S”) and continuing toward growth and excellence. It was at that meeting that I committed to staying on the life side of the curve for the rest of my life. So if you are feeling stuck in your parenting, mired in a bit of complacency or the “same-old, same-old”, it’s time for a change. Beginning a change in your family life begins with a change in yourself. Change usually only starts when there is enough urgency to do so (i.e. pain). Here’s the urgency: “Your personal growth impacts your organization’s [family’s] growth,” says John Maxwell. Put another way from Lee Iacocca: “Speed of the leader, speed of the team.” Little eyes are watching you, and you have the power to inject some passion into their lives by “lighting up” yourself. Ready to get started? There are only two overarching action items, with several subpoints. First, start by making small, SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, repeatable, and time-conscious) in the main areas of your life. Goals are dreams with a deadline. And to overcome the ‘plateau trap’ you must be very clear about what you want to achieve in your personal/family life. Second, prioritize well. Maxwell puts it this way: “The secret of success is what you do daily.” Easier said than done? Let’s break it down into two bite-sized slices of your life (to be continued next month) so that you can examine what needs a growth-boost this summer. First, Your Personal Health/Wellness. Stephen Covey calls working on this often-neglected area of your life: “sharpening the saw.” You’ll burn out easily trying to do what you need to do with a dull saw (no energy). You can’t lead your family well from a place of being tired! Our harried/hurried lives are not a great example for our kids to model! Our bodies were not meant to live in Overdrive—or even to stay in Drive forever. We need to downshift to low gear and Park on occasion in order to renew: • Manage stress. We all need a good dosage of humor in our lives, as well as time for stretching and solitude. In addition to those keys, we need a safe person or two with whom to vent, laugh, brainstorm, confide, and occasionally have lunch. • Exercise regularly. For me, it’s the only mind-clearing thing that I do! Both cardio and muscle-building/toning are important and can be done through walking, biking, stairs, weights, and curl-ups. Even 20 minutes is better than nothing! • Watch your diet. Tips for baby-steps here are portion-control, drinking lots of water, decreasing fats/sugars/white flour, and trying not to eat out too often nor eat late at night. • Get some sleep. Most of us need to get a full 8 hours. Practice healthy sleep patterns; relax and don’t eat before bed; and take less than an hour naps on weekends. • Start a hobby/something new. “People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness,” says John Wanamaker. Do you have a therapeutic activity to do? How about something to stimulate your brain in an outside-the-box fashion, to get you out of your comfort zone? Reinvent yourself! • Prioritize according to your values. Shoot for balance/boundaries in time management, but with what you believe in most as your center, and with personal wellness in mind. Most of us value faith and family before work, and none of us wants regrets later in life. Unless it’s critical to your job, don’t bring work home with you, and you don’t have to answer the phone during family time! Finally, avoid the Greatest Time Wasters: • Looking for things that are lost • No priorities • Not saying “No” • Lack of urgency • Lack of planning • Unmade decisions • Agonizing about the past or future • TV and other screens • Too many things at the same time To conclude, Ben Franklin said, “All humanity is divided into 3 classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable, and those who move!” Move your family in the right direction by first moving yourself to a better place of spiritual, physical, and emotional health. Paul D. Casey, Family Ministry Director, Bethel Church, Richland, WA, 509-628-0150.